Continuing the last two posts on consistency, we recently worked on our two day course with a mare who benefited greatly once boundaries were established. Everything within horsemanship is linked, each aspect leading to another like doors which must not only be opened but passed through. This little mare had doors which had never been opened during her entire life and those that were, were quickly closed again without going in to sort out what was buried inside.
There were two main doors which she used as a means of escape. She could either push her way out by the front, or know instinctively how to evade through the back. Her house, let’s use our imagination for minute, was unstructured and disorganised to the point where she was insecure within it. People came and went, often leaving their children for her to entertain and look after. As a kind hearted soul, she tried very hard to oblige but a lot of the time she couldn’t find her coping mechanism manual or instruction kit amongst the clutter left by her visitors.
Another of her problems was that they were all so different, she didn’t know what to expect and most of them never told her what they wanted her to do. Eventually she gave up trying to work it out, and when it got too hot in the kitchen, she would shoot through either door and run around looking for alternative support.
Her behaviour was often misunderstood; she has a bit of a reputation for unpredictability and bad manners. Whenever she gave a contrary opinion she was ticked off and even made to sit on the naughty step, which she couldn’t see the point of at all, and since no one could make her stay, she left as soon as she could. Some might consider her a bit of a rebel, or a naughty pony but it wasn’t like that. She loved her visitors, especially her owner who had shown nothing but kindness after rescuing her in a moment of rashness from a dealer.
As her only training had come from the school of hard knocks, she wasn’t into listening to her rider as the questions were confusing, and when she gave an answer, she was mostly rewarded with a tug and a pull. In her mind, escape was the only solution. Since she was built like a mini tank with a chest as wide as a bull, it was a very effective strategy that had always worked until the day her owner loaded her up and took her to MSC on a course.
I think it’s true to say we were all amazed by the progress and transformation in this little mare. Bolshy and pushy to begin with, she was sufficiently polite and attentive by the end of the first day to join all the activities on the second. How was that achieved? By leaving the door of consistency open to strict boundary definition and following through until the task was understood. When agreement was reached, instant security miraculously popped its head out of one of the windows which had been shut for so long everyone thought it was part of the wall. The little mare yawned, she liked the feeling of not having to take responsibility. Now that she’d stopped trying to get away, she saw another door she’d never noticed before. The door of choice was inviting her in. She could choose to continue life as she knew it or step into the room of release. You could see her thinking about that one.
Understanding all the benefits inside the door of release was a light bulb moment. Although the light flickered off and on, another door with several windows continued to deliver support throughout the day. As she got familiar with the sense of release, she began to feel its influence. Softness came in through the window and pressure went out of the door.
The dust has been stirred to reveal openings containing interspecies maps hidden under layers of confused signals. Now the windows are opening, letting in the light of communication, understanding, and true connection. Both horse and owner can start afresh, taking consistent steps towards building a healthy trust based relationship. We are forward to receiving updates on her progress.
