Relationship Building Part Two

In the last post we discussed relationship building and touched on the techniques for success. One of the biggest hurdles to overcome is lack of trust as it’s not easy to accurately determine what the levels are. A good indicator is how strong the boundaries are between you. Your horse may be all over you like a rash but that doesn’t necessarily mean he trusts you. How do we define trust? Trust is the absence of fear based reactions both on the ground and under saddle. What are the signs? When your horse is happy to stand still without being tied up or held onto. When your horse agrees to be ridden without sudden shying, running off at unexpected noises, or other unpredictable behaviour. Natural though these responses are, they mostly occur when a horse feels insecure or under threat which can be most of the time for some.

In order to change their perception of how life works, we must learn to be totally consistent with everything we do. We know horses are creatures of habit and a big part of that is their need for consistency which isn’t to be confused with routine. You can have a routine without consistency and consistency without routine. We prefer the latter because it gives us and the horses more flexibility and opportunity to build a relationship without restraints.  Where should you start with consistency? By consciously making sure you do everything in the same way and at the same speed of movement to obtain a particular result until it becomes a habit or ritual the horse can rely on. The horse is less concerned whether what you do is right or wrong but cares deeply about doing something one way today and another tomorrow. Your horse will find it easier to trust you when you consistently do the “wrong” thing all of the time than the “right” thing some of the time. If he can’t rely on you to be consistent, how can he trust you to keep him safe when you take him away from the herd?

As an example of how much value a horse places on consistency, let’s look at a typical situation out hacking where the horse sees something he doesn’t like and refuses to go past it. Maybe you feel it expedient to get off and lead him past. The next day he does the same thing. You try a little harder to persuade him to keep going but he says no and turns round. You bring him back and try again. He tells you he doesn’t think it’s a good idea and before you know it, he’s turned round again and is heading for home. You manage to get him back so he’s facing the “right” way and to avoid an argument, you dismount and lead him past. The next day you ride out with a friend whose horse just walks by and not surprisingly, your horse is happy to follow. The day after you are on your own again and even more determined to ride past the stumbling block. After a couple of attempts to turn round, he agrees to go past with a bit of a dash. You give him lots of pats and tell him he’s a good boy. The next time you ride him it’s very windy, he’s more jumpy than usual so you’re not surprised he won’t pass the dreaded “thing.” You don’t trust him to stand still long enough for you to get on again if you lead him past so you decide to take an alternative route. Time goes by with some improvement. There are days he goes by without a problem but on others, he flatly refuses and tries evasion tactics which make you feel nervous enough to either dismount or go another way.

What’s actually happening is that the horse has developed a rule to help him deal with a lack of consistency beyond dismounting with regard to riding past whatever it was that he didn’t like, even though by now it no longer poses a threat. Now he dictates whether or not he’ll go past, depending on how confident he feels on any particular day. The rule is he will follow you or another horse past or go on his own if he feels like it. The rule is not only consistent, it’s also a habit. Consistency is so important to horses that they will be inclined to put their own version in place in order to feel safe unless you can show you can step up to the mark.  

Trust through consistency is absolutely the best way to build a successful partnership.